plus size evening gowns

New employment rules announced by Civil
We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
proof of sickness. If you are able to get to the
doctor, you are able to come into work.
Kort Kort pregnant is banned. You must first
apply to your superiors and with their approval
you'll then be allowed to do pregnancy. It will
only be allowed once in 10yrs and you only get 1
month maternity leave. No male shall get leave
related to his wife's pregnancy, sickness or even
death (he is not a midwife, a doctor nor an
Operations are now banned. As long as you are
an employee here, you need all your organs. You
should not consider having anything removed. We
hired you intact. To have something removed
constitutes a breach of employment.
Each employee will receive 104 holidays per year.
They are called Saturday and Sunday.
This is no excuse for missing work. There is
nothing you can do for dead friends or relatives.
Every effort should be made to have non-
employees to attend to the arrangements. In rare
cases where employee involvement is necessary,
the funeral should be scheduled for the late
afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
through your lunch-hour and subsequently leave
one hour early, provided your share of the work is
This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we
require at least two weeks' notice to allow time
for you to train your own replacement.
Entirely too much time is being spent in the
toilets. In the future, we will follow the practice of plus size evening gowns
going in alphabetical order. For instance: All
employees whose names begin with 'A' will go
from 8.00 to 8.20, employees whose names begin
with 'B' will go from 8.20 to 8.40 and so on. If
you are unable to go at your allotted time, it will
be necessary to wait until the next day when your
turn comes again. In extreme emergencies
employees may swap their time with a co-worker.
Both workers' supervisors must approve this
exchange in writing. In addition, there is now a
strict 3-minute time limit in the toilets. At the end
of 3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper
will retract, and the door will open..
Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need
to eat more so they can look healthy, normal size
people get 30 minutes for lunch to maintain their
average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch
because that's all the time needed to drink a
Slimfast and take a diet pill.
It is advised that you must come to work dressed
according to your salary. If we see you wearing
designer clothing we will assume that you are
doing well financially and therefore do not need a
pay rise.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We
are here to provide a positive employment
experience. Therefore, all questions, comments,
concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations,
aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
accusations, contemplations, consternations or
input should be directed elsewhere.
Have a wonderful week!
HR : PS - please deduct the time spent reading
this email from ANNUAL LEAVE.